That right there is a picture I took with my iPhone. It was my first iPhone, I believe, and that means it was taken a long while ago. Since the first iPhone, I've had three subsequent iPhones, a sidekick 2008, a brief run-in with a silver flip phone, and finally... I am now an AT&T user and own my (hopefully) final iPhone.
Anyway...
The reason I'm writing this blog is because I've been thinking a lot lately about my lifestyle, and the way things go for me... and the way other people react to those things. To be less vague, I'll explain further.
My day normally consists of zero sunshine, a lot of down time, and very little -or no- learning at all. For those of you who can't piece that together, I'm a home-schooled slacker... and for that reason people react in ways that baffle me. And not just me, the people who support my decisions as well.
I feel like people get angry at me for being home schooled, and for having so much down time, and for being able to stay at home and do what I want because of a few things. One reason, I'm convinced, is that the people who are already out of high school and no longer have this option are angry at themselves for not leaving their own personal hells when they actually did have the chance. You might be saying, but... that's not your fault. And I'm saying that as well. But being on the receiving-end of their anger, I've come to realize that they're angry at themselves, and take it out on me. Why? Because when you can't change the past, the next best thing is to push the blame onto everyone else.
I entered a line-break there so this blog didn't look like an essay.
The second reason I think people react negatively is that they are so wrapped up in what society has convinced them is the right thing to do that they will actually fight with me because I've broken free from those ways and have started my own.
There's a lot of things in my life that have gone different than things in other people's lives, and I mean, sure... it's nice to have a set of guidelines to live your life by... but when something slams into you and knocks everything you cherish to the ground... there are no guidelines. There are no rules. All there is, is emptiness, pain, guilt, and no way to change what's already been done. No way out, and no way back in.
People are convinced that the only way to success is living a cookie-cutter life.
Here are the steps:
1. Go to school and experience the heinous humiliation and verbal (sometimes even physical) abuse that your classmates and peers feel you need to go through due to your appearance, interests or your beliefs.
NOTE- don't question step 1, if you do, you'll alter your path to success and might actually become an individual... and then the teachers and administrators will hate you. Besides, the teachers have enough on their plates... between grading papers, teaching classes, and supporting their families... they're doing everything they've ever wanted (right?), but they just do NOT have time to protect you from obvious abuse. So leave them alone, and deal with your own problems by yourself.
2. Once you're out of High School, you know- the best years of your life- then it's finally time for life to start. Forget about all the crap you had to go through on a daily basis in High School, now you're faced with a choice. Go to college. (BEST CHOICE! BEST CHOICE RIGHT HERE!), or take a year or two off, explore your options. (BAD IDEA. FREEDOM=DEATH.)
You chose college. Why? You don't know. Your parents and teachers and peers are all saying it's the best option. And four years down the line, you'll be all set up to do whatever you want. Four years down the line when you graduate (hopefully), you'll be 22 or 23, you'll have a small group of friends, you'll have enough useless knowledge to get a respectable job, and you'll finally be able to have a valid opinion amongst your friends and family.
3. Assuming you went to the four years of college you had to and then didn't go on for even more schooling, you're out of college. What's next? A career!
You get a job at a place that seems respectable. You hate getting up early, but that's the only option if you want success. So you get a job. You do the same damn thing you've been doing for the last 25 years over and over and over until you meet someone.
I meet someone? YES! The person you're going to marry! How do I know that? You never had the option to meet anyone else! And this person is just as successful as you, so go ahead, get married.
4. Step four was completed when you met your seemingly special someone. Now that you've met them and you're married... step five is complete as well.
5. See above.
6. Let's go ahead and say it's four years down the line.. let's say five years. I mean, would any respectable person marry someone they didn't know for five years? So now you're 27, 28 or 29. You're almost thirty years old, you're married, you have a respectable career, you have a college degree, you have a few friends from the office and a few friends you kept in touch with from college, and.. surprise! You have a child on the way!
NOTE: You might begin to reflect at this point. You might look in the mirror one morning and see all the wrinkles on your face, or see a few gray hairs... maybe you'll look through your closet and see the same things you've beens seeing since the 10th grade... what ever worries you, it's nothing. Don't even think twice about it. It's normal to feel like your life has been wasted. BECAUSE IT HAS.
7. So you have the baby. Now what? Now you raise the child. You work every single day until you've got enough money to retire. You retire. It's been years. You might have more children then just that first one. You might be divorced from the woman or man you married back in college. You might have killed yourself, or gone to jail. You might be living a life of clam consistency. You might actually be happy.
8. You die.
What does this mean? It means my second reason was ridiculously long, but it's elaborate. It's what I promised: an explanation. Why does this help explain what I mean? Because this is what people want from you. If you don't follow these guidelines, people won't look twice at you, right? Wrong. The people who have followed this layout won't look twice at you. The free-thinkers, the people who actually care about the quality of their life... those people will embrace you. The people in my second reason will hate me for leaving school because I'm clearly not following the steps to a successful life.
Is it me they're worried about? Or is it their set of guidelines that they're starting to worry about?
Reason three is simple as well, and it is the last reason. People just don't understand. People who have conformed so completely to what the community looks for in a person that they have no idea who they are. They may seem self-assured, but they're not. They're assured not by themselves, but by the acceptance of the people around them. They need people to love them and to praise their good looks just so that they can validate their existence.
People will become hateful toward me at the first mention of home-schooling because they think I'll lose all my social skills. They think I'll live a long lonely life. They think I'll become even more of a freak then I already am.
But really, what is that saying? That's saying that by staying in school and by being what they're supposed to be they're being accepted by the masses. They're living a life that's been constructed for them. They're living the trendy, hopeless life that people admire. Right? Right?
Right?
Think about it.
Think about the differences between you, the hogwash of america, and the people who have conformed. The people who have told you that you're not good enough. Think about what life you'd rather live.
Are you happy being what you are? Be it an artist, a writer, a musician. Be it an aspiring scientist. Be it what it will, are you happy living this life?
Learn to question what is before you. Learn to ask yourself: am I really happy doing this? And if not, change it. Live your life for you, and don't let anybody tell you that what makes you happy is wrong.
In conclusion, I'm going to start taking the weekends off. You might think to yourself, oh... you have the whole week off. But if you're still saying that to yourself then you should stop reading this right now, print out the steps, and start conforming to society.
In the end, just relax. Think for yourself. Do what you have to do to ensure your own happiness, because nobody else can do that for you.
Be yourself, and if that's not good enough for someone else then they're obviously not good enough for themselves either.
Don't be afraid, it's okay.
